


Pushed To The Brink

by TheAngelofFate



Series: Alternate Universe [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hearing impaired Kanan, Hugs, Kanan is a dedicated parent, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Platonic Affection, and Ezra loves his space dad, he loves his boy, he thinks he’s the best, kanan is a loving space dad to Ezra and nothing more, physical affection, semi mute Ezra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-15 18:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15418839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: Two months after the events of Alternative Fate; Kanan and Ezra have been hopping from planet to planet, always trying to avoid the Empire. For when the Imperial ships arrive and more Storm Troopers show up that is when they leave, because if their luck is anything like th rest of the Jedi then it’s best to play it safe and go.During which, Kanan has been working himself to the deepest bone to try and care for Ezra, because as his guardian it was his job and he took pride in it. Because Ezra was everything to him.But as a human, even he had his breaking point.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after much thought I decided to write a continuation for An Alternative Fate. The concept of Kanan and tiny Ezra running around the galaxy like a regular dynamic duo was too strong for me to resist. I absolutely love this idea. I love the idea of Semi Mute Ezra and Hearing Impaired Kanan working off of each other and just being the best. Like last time, I wrote too much and had to split this into three chapters, so I waited until I was completely done writing before posting. I really hope you all enjoy this as much as I had in writing it!

His master had always told him that everything happened for a reason, that the Force bestowed upon it's power —however little it may have been— to a chosen few that in turn made the galaxy a better place. The Jedi, had brought peace to all living creatures, to planets that were raged in war, and his various Masters always told him to trust in himself and to have faith. Because the Jedi were good and wise, the Jedi were unbeatable— that is until they weren't anymore. That is until, the fall of the Republic, until the fall of of his Master where the life he had once held so near and dear to him was abruptly ripped away from him. Then everything after that was chaos, complete and utter chaos and destruction. As Caleb Dume fled for his life, and fought to survive. After that— well, he didn't have much faith in anything. His faith was _shattered_ , his knowledge that there was a reason for everything was destroyed throughout his miserable life.

Until he met a small boy, a boy with dark hair and these blue eyes that held such innocence, such fear and brokenness. He looked at this boy, this child who was Force sensitive just as he was and saw himself. Their shared trauma mirrored one another. Their hearts connecting in an instant, a link between them forged within seconds. Binding them together, as they both taught comfort in the other with no shame or regret. He realized that yes, his Master had been right, everything did happen for reason because now he had Ezra, now he had a purpose. To protect this child with his entire being, to give Ezra the love and affection he deserved.

Sure, they never stayed in one place for a long period of time, and they were always on alert for the Empire or any other dangers out in the galaxy. But it was their life to live, a life where they had each other.

As Kanan walked along busy street, a pack strapped around his shoulders. He found himself looking cautiously around, surveying the area for anyone or anything that looked suspicious as he kept a firm but gentle grip on his shoulder, guiding him along, keeping him close to his side as they made their way towards yet another cheap building on yet another planet with cheap living spaces for them to temporarily call home. Brushing up against the boy's mind he felt that Ezra was calmer then he had been the other previous times they had done this these last two months. Though Kanan could still feel the slight twitch in the kid's body whenever some passing bystander brushed up against his side. **"** _Relax. **"** _ He sent out calmly, pulling the boy closer to his side. **"** _Everything is okay, I'm here, remember? **"**_ He soothed, as he too tried to calm the little bundle of nerves within the pit of his stomach, something that always occurred in this kind of situation, only receding once they were safely within closed doors.

Ezra nodded once, taking a gulping breathe as be latching on to their bond as he always did. As they finally squeezed passed the last remaining citizens and moved towards the motel, did Kanan exhale a slow breathe, his grasp on Ezra's shoulder lessoning just a fraction as he walked over to the front desk. "Got any rooms?" He asked as he casually placed the last of their credits that they had earned from their previous job on the counter.

The owner, a Bothan, looked at Kanan and then at the credits, then reached over behind him and grabbed the very last key hanging on a hook. "This is the last room available. Though, it only has one bed."

"We'll take it." He confirmed, reaching out and taking the keycard that displayed the number _43_ on it, nodding his thanks as he did so. Placing his arm back around Ezra's shoulders again and moved away, keeping the boy at his side. "Almost there, kiddo." He told the boy in a low and calm voice. Walking up the steps, they made it inside their room in a matter of seconds, practically sprinting the rest of the way. Shutting the door behind him, Kanan let out the breathe he was holding, out of the corner of his eye he saw the ten year old flop onto the bed with a slight _thud_ , indicating that the bed wasn't all that comfortable, looking absolutely exhausted. He couldn't help but feel guilty, being on the run, constantly moving from planet to planet wasn't easy on anyone, but especially for a child as young as Ezra. It wasn't easy, and Kanan wished that things could be different but as tired as the kid looked he never complained, never once showed any regret about being by his side.

Which made the guilt in the pit of his stomach morph into fondness as he shuffled his tired feet over the the counter, taking his pack off and began emptying the contents from it; Food supplements, medical supplies like bacta patches and ointment. Lastly, he took out the silver box that contained his lightsaber. Thoughtfully, he ran the tips of his fingers over the container, remembering that he hadn't use it since that night on Lothal. Back then, when they had to flee Ezra's home planet in the late hours of the night, Kanan had use it in an act of desperation. As Faoladh, Ezra's previous guardian threatened to turn him into the Empire for being a survivor of Order 66, threatening to turn in Ezra for being force sensitive. He had no choice, Ezra's life was in danger, so Kanan called out to his saber, ignited it and killed Faoladh.

And ever since then it's been locked in this box, something that Ezra actually made him while he had been away on a job, with some spare parts just laying around and even encrypted it with a code only they would know, as a means of not only keeping others from opening it but in case either of them were in trouble, they could use it as self defense. Or at least that's how Ezra explained it, his hands moving so fast he almost had a hard time figuring out what the kid was signing. Back then, the older man just smiled and thanked the boy. But Kanan's mind was set in stone, he maybe teaching Ezra how to control powers over the Force and the things around him, -hell he maybe also teaching him self defense, but that didn't mean he would ever teach him how to be a Jedi. No matter how much the kid wanting to learn and have his own lightsaber, no matter how much Ezra wanted to be a Jedi, he _refused_ to. Being a Jedi was dangerous, and Kanan wasn't going to take the chance of something happening to his boy.

His heart wouldn't be able to handle it.

_Force, he was so damn tired_

Blinking several times, Kanan gently placed the box back inside his pack and walked to the bed and sat down, he glanced downward towards Ezra, whom had his eyes shut and looked to already be asleep if not for the sigh he let out every few minutes. Kanan smiled, reaching over he brushed the kid's hair away from his eyes, ruffling his hair for good measure, which in turn made Ezra smiled and open his eyes. Opening his mouth he made a noise, wanting his attention, oblivious to the fact that he already had it. "Kanan?" Ezra asked, his voice as raspy and hoarse as ever as he looked at him. It had only been two months since Ezra said his first word, in _Force_ knows how long given the fact that the kid has been mute for as long as he could remember. Back then Kanan had said that if Ezra could say his name that eventually he would maybe be able to say others too. And slowly, as the days, weeks and finally two months went by, Ezra started learning more words. Small words, simple words. They weren't full on sentences, and honestly they probably never would be but Kanan thanked the Force regardless.

"Kanan?"

Naturally, the one word Ezra mastered to it's fullest was Kanan's name.

"Yeah?" He said casually, as he kept his hand on top of the boy's head.

"Safe?" Ezra's voice sound smaller now, nervous as he often did when it came to staying in these cheap motels. Kanan's heart twisted in his chest at the weak voice, his eyes narrowed towards the floor, no longer looking at the boy, as the guilt once again set in. But he shook his head, and blinked a few times, forcing that feeling away as he laid down and brought Ezra to his side, giving him a comforting squeeze.

"Yeah, kiddo." He nodded once and swallowed down the dryness in his throat. "We're safe." _For now_ he thought silently, because no matter where they ended up they ended up they always had to leave.

Ezra curled up to his side like a little Loth cat, and pressed his face into Kanan's jacket. Within seconds he felt that boy's emotions, the guilt and sadness. Then lifting his hands up he signed, _"I'm sorry."_

Kanan closed his eyes and sighed, adjusting himself so that he could pull the kid closer. Because he knew exactly what that meant. _'Sorry for being a burden'_ , that's what it always meant. "Hey, none of that." He gently whispered, "It's okay, we'll be okay."

"T-Together?"

Heart filling with warmth, Kanan smiled. "That's right. Always."

* * *

The next morning, Kanan and Ezra set out with their daily routine, Kanan looking for work and Ezra staying safe at their motel. He hated leaving the kid by himself for hours on end just so he could make a few credits from a job or the occasional local cantina, but once again the ten year old never complained, in fact he was the one who often pushed him out the door whenever he as reluctant to go. His hands moving in motion as he reassured Kanan that he didn't mind being alone, that he needed to stay here for his own safety. In a lot of ways, Ezra was more mature and understanding then most of the children his age, maybe growing up on the streets plus going into and out of the orphanage, also having to live with Faoladh had something to do with that.

Or maybe that was just how Ezra was, regardless Kanan admired that. Turning around, he found himself chuckling lightly, as he placed his hands on the kid's shoulders. "You'll be alright?"

Ezra nodded, his hands falling to his sides. "Yes." He confirmed.

Kanan breathed in through his nose, "I'm sorry, kiddo. Maybe one of these days you can come with me but... right now." _There are too many dangers, too many things that could go wrong. I can't lose you._ Those words were left unsaid, were left hanging in the open air but Ezra merely smiled, wrapping his arms around his waist for a quick hug that Kanan barely had time to recuperate before letting go. "Alright, I know you've done this before but lock the door and if anything feels suspicious you _run_ and come find me. Got it?"

"Yes," The kid said once again, giving Kanan a thumbs up for good measure.

"Okay, I'll be back in a few hours."

And reluctantly, Kanan walked out the door.

Three minutes later he found himself walking around the busy streets of _Arsolore_ , a planet populated by various species but most none of them were human. Which isn't as uncommon as one would believe. But being the only human in a planet filled with various others, he and Ezra definitely stuck out. It was no wonder that Kanan felt eyes on him and Ezra when they had first arrived, it which for malicious intent but more so that they probably aren't to humans landing here. This wasn't his first choice but this had been the only planet, that closest in range and where it didn't have a high concentrated amount of Troopers, meaning that the Empire hadn't fully gotten to this place just yet.

Wondering aimlessly for a few more minutes, Kanan finally found a local cantina he had been searching for. Cantina's were his go-to place for easy, fast credits. Because not only was he a damn good bartender, but he had a talent for stopping fights between males who were too intoxicated to even stand. And considering he had Era to take care of Kanan needed fast credits on the fly, so that he could take care of the ten year old. Now most cantina's had a curfew, some opening early and closing late at night, others didn't open until night and stayed that way until dawn. But for Kanan and his line of work he tended to go to the ones that open early and closed at night because then he had time for the jobs after hours, the ones that were dangerous, and illegal the ones where he will never let Ezra go on until he was much, _much_ older.

A thief, a smuggler. Something that, if he thought about it, would be disapproved of by the Jedi Council.

Thanks to Kasmir, along with his own instincts, he had gotten really good at this profession. This job paid more in credits then cantina's. The clients would pay him to either steal something or smuggle something either off or onto the planet and if all went well, he'd get paid and no one would get shot at. And now more so then ever Kanan was always on alert more, always more cautious the he had in the previous years of doing this, because if anything were to happen to him, if he was reckless in anyway that cost him his own life, then Ezra would be all alone again, this time on an unfamiliar planet.

For Ezra's sake, he had to be careful.

Kanan stood near the front entrance of the cantina, eyeing his surroundings. Then his eyes fell on the help wanted sigh on the open window outside. _Perfect_ , He stated to himself as he walked inside and was greeted to the familiar sounds of men laughing and smell of liquor in the air. Sitting down at one of the chairs closest to the bartender he signaled him over. "Whatcha need?" The bartender turned around, revealing a middle aged, female Amaran who's fur was tinted light violet and gray, which was odd for as much as Kanan knew most Amaran's fur were either red or a deep orange, but never outside that spectrum. Perhaps she was different then the rest of her people? "Here to pick your poison?"

He shook his head, no he wasn't here to drink, he had a two months streak of not having a single sip of alcohol, and he wasn't about to break it no matter how much he missed the taste. "No, I saw the sign outside. Thought I could offer my services."

The Amaran filled up a large glass full of liquor and slid it over a Drall over towards his left, then she eyes him up and down with her black eyes. "Got a criminal record?"

"Would you even believe if I told you no?" He said without missing a beat. Because honestly, there was no one out in the galaxy who didn't, in some shape or form, have a criminal record. It was almost a guarantee nowadays.

She snorted, her whiskers pointing upward into a smirk. "Course not, but it helps that you were honest, not many are like that these days. Cause you don't know who's lyin' and who isn't." The Amaran's eyes were still looking directly at him. "How long has it been since you had a drink?"

"Two months."

"Any particular reason why?"

Kanan paused for a few seconds, thinking it over. "Can't very well come home drunk when I got a kid."

Those black eyes widened at his statement and then softened. "That record of yours gonna effect my bar?"

"If it does, then I'll promptly apologize and leave."

"Any physical injuries that would keep you from working for a period of time if you over exerted yourself?"

"Just my hearing aids." He promptly, casually took them out and showed them to her before placing them back in his ears.

"The name's Thül Klêêv." Thül announced reaching out her paw for him to take. "You're hired."

"Kanan Jarrus, thank you." He tried to hide the utter relief in his voice with those two words as he shook her hand. "When do I start?"

A crash sounded out behind him, the loud shouts of two drunken customers echoed throughout the cantina, along with various others shouting and cheering for more action. "How's right now sound?" Thül said with a sly smile on her face. "I run this place from 9 am to 9 at night. I pay 4 credits an 5 hours. I know that's not much but that's how everything is nowadays. Your job is to serve the liquor when I'm not around and stop fights and stop fights between these drunk moof-milkers. You start any fights you're fired. You bring a girl here and any of these guys fight over her and you're fired. Understand?"

Kanan nodded, "Yes ma'am." He had to admit, not many cantina's were owned by females. At least not the ones he's been too. And she seemed to be firm, fair, and unwilling to not take attitude from anyone, all at once.

Thül laughed and motioned him over towards the cheering crowd of drunk customers. "Welcome to The _Solar Vortex_ Cantina."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't normally create OCs, because I'm just not good at giving them life and a compelling story, hell its the reason why I can't write my own stories with an original plot and characters. But I decided to make an exception with this, because of the overall concept, of Kanan and Ezra being on a planet they didn't know. So with that, Thül Klêêv was born. Now right off the bat, she isn't a love interest for Kanan. No, in fact, she was influence more so like Depa Billaba was.
> 
> Anyway, I know this isn't the best one I've written but, a penny for your thoughts? Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated. And I'll see you all soon.


	2. Chapter 2

He worked for Thül for the next couple days. All the while he actually got to know her better. She was kind but could be strict when she had to be. She had an very open opinion and she didn't care who heard her when she spoke about them. Kanan felt that one certain times, Thül reminded him of his Master.

And on the various times he's helped her close up shop she would occasionally talk about her life, her way of attempting casual conversations. During those times, he learned that she lived with her grandparents most of her life. Her parents having abandoned her at the young age of twelve years, simply because of the color of her fur. "They called me a disgrace. A mutant, which is rich coming from a species that are covered from head to toe in fur and who at one point had been feral." Thul had stated one time as she stood upon a high stool putting away various shot glasses, and then leaned against the counter. "My father's parents took me in after that. This place—" She gestured to the building behind her. "—Was once his."

Kanan honestly didn't know what to say. What  _could_  he say after a story like that? What words could possibly be right to say to this woman, whom he's only known a few short days? The only thing that he could think of was, "I'm sorry."

Thül shrugged, waving off his apology. "It was years ago, I've let it go. Hell, the pain they caused me years ago is nothing compared to what the Empire is doing nowadays." Kanan couldn't help but agree with that statement with every fiber of his existence. "So you gonna tell me about yourself, or are you gonna leave me in the dark forever, mystery man."

Kanan chuckled, which turned into a slight cough, as he wiped down a few tables in front of him. "Well, I hope you got a lighter then."

"Okay, sore subject." Thül declared. "How about that kid of yours?"

Instinctively, Kanan got defensive, cautious. "What about him?"

"You said you'd stopped drinking because of you're kid?"

"I did." He nodded solemnly.

"Mother not in the picture?"

If Kanan had a taken a drink in that moment he would have had spit it right back out. "There never was in the first place. I—" He paused for a few seconds, hesitating. "Found him, now I'm caring for him."

"You're a surrogate parent then?"

Kana blinked at the question. Was he? He loved Ezra that much was true, Ezra was his entire reason for living. But a parent? Could he even see himself as such? At being a father? As he thought this, he remember a conversation he had with his Master that happened so very long ago.

" _Master?"_ He asked one day as they meditated

" _Yes, young one?"_

" _How does one train a Padawan?"_ Caleb paused to find the right words. "Like what do you do— what  **are**  you to them, besides a teacher. What am I too you?" Why was he even asking this, and why did he suddenly really _want_ to know that answer? Caleb felt a finger poke his forehead, causing him to open his eye and look at his Master who was looking at him with soft eyes and yet another smile on her face.

" _A Master and a Padawan can be a great deal of many things, Caleb. They have a deep connection to each other that sometimes goes beyond that of an ordinary Jedi Master and Student."_ Caleb hung on every word as he listen to his Master explanations. _"Masters are teachers to the next generations, Caleb, we are protectors and guardians. But my connection with you, my Padawan. Is something that the Council wouldn't approve of, because they believe becoming attached is a weakness, and sometimes it can be."_

Caleb waited patiently, was he ran a hand through his short hair. _"What is it?" He really wanted to know, needed to know._

His Master smiled, _"Affection, young one. Our jobs as Masters is to protect our Padawans in the same way a parent would their child. In fact, in some ways that's exactly what you could call us. Because I have seen many Jedi treat their apprentices as their own."_

" _So what will I be to my Padawan? Protector or just a teacher?"_ Because now he was worried for this child, because would he even be able to do any of that?

He watched as Billaba closed her eyes for a moment and Caleb could feel the Force running through her for a fleeting moment before she smiled yet again, opened her eyes and cupped his cheek with her hand. _"You will be towards them, what I am to you."_

Caleb blinked, curious. _"A teacher, a protector?"_

Depa shook her head, _"A_ _ **parent.**_ _ **Proud**_ _and_ _ **loving**_ _as I am."_

The long forgotten memory brought warmth to Kanan's heart, but also a sadness, as all memories of his Master did. Because once again his Master had been right. Ever since the Fall of the Republic, when he lost everything and all the years spent alone he thought that he never would never get that opportunity to ever have that connection, to have those parental instincts. Looking at up at his boss, he nodded. "Yeah... I— yeah, I am."

Thül simply smiled.

* * *

"Thul, honestly. I'm fine." Kanan argued with his boss, as he set down chairs for the in coming rush of customers they were going to be having in just a couple minutes. Or at least he tried too, if it weren't for the headache that was preventing him for focusing fully.

"You obviously haven't looked in the mirror today. You look like your about ready to collapse any moment." As if to prove her point, Kanan watched as Thül reached forward and pushed him lightly with her paw. It was barely just a tap but he still found himself swaying and his surrounding spinning, he gripped one of the chairs for support, closing his eyes, he tried to regain his bearings, waited until his vision cleared before looking back at Thül and saw her expression. "What have you been doing to yourself, Jarrus?"

The question itself made him go silent, as he looked at the floor. Because what was he suppose to say? That he was working two jobs back to back? That his night job required more from him then he had to give? That he was overworking himself everyday, to the point where he gets ill? No, he couldn't say anything like that because if he did, then Thül would have to fire him. A wave of nausea washed over him, and he tried to steady himself, as he clinched his mouth tightly close so nothing, unpleasant came out. "Alright, out. You need to go home." The Amaran stated as she was now pushing him towards the door.

Kanan opened his mouth to argue, "But—"

"Ah!" Thül interrupted, pointing at him, and then towards the door. "Too many things could go wrong. You're too clumsy right now and I won't have you throwing up on my customers.  _Go. Home_."

"What about you? It'll be busy today." He said as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear away the milky white haze that formed around his vision.

Thül scoffed. "Please, I was managing this cantina long before you got here, I think I'll be fine." They both stopped outside the door, as Thul reached into her pocket and pulled out some credits. "Here's your pay for the next couple days."

"You're paying me even though I'm not going to be here?" Had he gone crazy? Was his fever so high This was new to Kanan, no one ever really did this kind of thing anymore.

Thül shrugged, chuckling. "What can I say, I like you, kid. Now go home and feel better."

Taking the credits, Kanan nodded. "Thank you, Thül."

The walk back to his apartment was just as difficult as it was when he had departed hours earlier. Every muscle in Kanan's body screamed for him to stop moving, his head was pounding his was sweating but was also shivering and for some reason his hearing aids were cutting in and out. One moment he was fine, then the next he could hear nothing at all. By the time he reached the building, walked up the stairs and opened the door, he was a panting mess, his chest hurt and he felt bile raise up to his throat. Using his key card, Kanan opened the door and nearly fell the rest of the way inside the room if it not were the death grip he had on the door handle to keep him from falling, his knees trembled underneath him as the sound continuously cut in and out.

Then a swell of panic erupted within his mind, panic that wasn't his own, chasing away some of the white haze. He realized then, as he felt tiny hands against his stomach that Ezra was standing before him.  _Kriff._ He thought to himself, his foggy mind painted a clear picture of what he must look like and how scared Ezra must be right now, and that's the complete opposite of what he's suppose to do as his guardian. Blinking several times, Kanan waited as sound finally filled ears once more. When the room stopped swaying, he realized that he had fallen to the ground. Laying on his side, Ezra staring down at him, fear etched all over his face, as tears welled in those blue eyes. Clearing his throat, he opened his mouth to say something, say anything to calm Ezra down but bile rose to his throat, and he covered his mouth with his hand to keep it from coming out, as he used the other one to empty the foul contents into the waste bin.

After he was done, he could hear Ezra soft cries. "K- _Kanan_." He whimpered, and out of the corner of his eye he saw those tears from before cascade down his face. Despite his growing misery, that urge to protect and care for, overcame him and he tried to reach out to Ezra, tried to ruffle his hair and give him a smile and say that everything was going to be okay, but as he lay there on the floor of their apartment, Kanan found that he didn't have the strength anymore. he was too tired and too sick to do anything anymore.

With Ezra looming over him, his blue eyes filled with tears and fear, Kanan could only watch as everything from his eyes to his mind darkened and he fell unconscious.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies that this chapter is short from the first, the next and last one will hopefully be longer. 
> 
> A penny for your thoughts would be appreciated. Feedback is always welcome if any of you have the time.


	3. Chapter 3

When Kanan came too, he noticed that he didn't feel as dreadful as he had before. Sure, he still felt awful but not as bad as before. His headache was now a dull throb compared to before where it felt like his skull was about to split in two, his body ached and his chest hurt every time he took a breathe, but his mind didn't feel like it was in a fog anymore, his chills were gone as was the sweat that was previously dripping down his forehead. As he opened his eyes, he noticed that there was something over his eyes and forehead, raising his arm he touched the object and realized that it was a lukewarm towel. Confused, Kanan pulled it off and immediately regretted doing so. For the mere sliver of light shining through the window was enough to make him groan out in pain and turn away from it, which also made his aching muscle scream out in protest.

"Kanan!" He heard a small voice cried out. Turning back around, Kanan saw Ezra running towards him. Instantly he felt the kid's relief, and fear all at once as Ezra stopped just a few short inches from the bed. Kanan watched as Ezra fidgeted with his hands, as he hovered there, not stepping any closer. _"How are you feeling?"_ He signed, his movements slow despite the nervousness Kanan knew the kid was feeling. Kanan took a moment to think. He didn't want to worry Ezra more and say that he was still feeling like utter hell, but he also knew that Ezra wouldn't believe him if he simply said he was okay.

"Everything still hurts but I feel better then how I felt before. How long was out?"

At this question Ezra seemed to hesitate. Then, _"You've been in and out of consciousness for at least a week."_

His eyes widened, _a week_? He's been comatose for an entire week. Just how badly ill was he to have been out that long? Just as he thought this, out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed that there were several things laid out on the nightstand and floor; painkillers, bottled water, food supplements and also various other items he didn't recognize such as cloths, a small bin filled with water, spare blankets. Confused, he looked at Ezra. "Did you— Did you buy all this?"

He watched as yet again Ezra fidgeted with his hands for a few seconds, before opening his mouth, "Yes." He said, voice still raspy but nevertheless clear. _"After you collapsed, I found some credits in your pocket, I knew something was wrong, that you were sick because you had a fever. So I ran to the market, and I got things I thought might help..."_ The kid trailed off after that, his hands falling to his sides.

Kanan couldn't believe what he was hearing, "And you've been taking care of me this whole time?"

Ezra nodded, still standing at arms length of him. But Kanan could tell that being distance is the last thing Ezra wanted to do, because that's what Kanan felt himself. His heart was filled with such gratitude and pride, because this whole time Ezra had been taking care of him, while he'd been unconscious this ten year old child had somehow managed to get him to bed and nurse him back to health, all on his own. Maybe it was the fact that he was still sick, that he could blamed what happened next on his emotions from being so ill, or maybe it was the fact that Ezra was a lot more grown up and well equipped then he thought, but Kanan felt tears spring to his eyes, slowly he reached out his arms, in invitation. "C'mere, kiddo." His voice filled with emotion.

He watched Ezra's expression change from shocked to despair in a matter of seconds. The kid's bottom lip trembled as he all but collapsed into Kanan's arms. Then Kanan bombarded with Ezra's emotions. His _fear_ and utter _panic_ that Kanan was going to die, his _helplessness_ that he couldn't do anything about it, his _determination_ that he wasn't going to lose anyone else that he loved. He felt everything Ezra had gone through in this last week. That all just made him tighten his grip on the kid even more. "I'm sorry." He whispered as Ezra cried into his neck. "I'm so sorry I scared you, kiddo." Guilt consumed his heart, because while he was grateful and proud of Ezra, he still felt like a failure because it was his duty to protect this kid, but instead he had done the complete opposite.

Ezra's small hands gripped at his clothes, as he continued to sob. **"** _Why? **"** _ He heard Ezra question through their bond. **"** _Why!? **"**_

And Kanan braced himself at he finally admitted something that he's been denying these last two weeks. "I've been feeling this way ever since we came here. Hell, even before we came here, I just denied it and wrote it off to exhaustion." _Force_ , his heart hurt at admitting that, or was that Ezra's? "I've been overworking myself these last two months, because I thought that I had too, in order to keep you safe." Guilt radiated from Ezra at those words, and Kanan held him tighter. "No, _kiddo_. Ezra, don't you _**dare**_ blame yourself. I did this of my own accord, because I'm _stupid_ and I thought that I could handle working two jobs every hour with barely any sleep or food." Kanan rubbed soothing circles a crossed the kid's back, as he sent all the love and affection through their bond as he could muster, tears of his own forming in his own eyes. _Kriff, this is my fault._ He thought, thinking himself so foolish. He knew his own limitations, so then why had he overdone it, truly? Why had he pushed himself so hard when he knew that doing so only ended up being poor for his health?

 _ **Why**_ , well because of Ezra. Now he would never say this to Ezra because he was just as bad as the guilt trip as he, himself was. But everything he does and will do from now on is for this little kid, this child who sparked something within his heart that he thought had gone out long ago. But he had been wrong in this one, for how was he suppose to look after Ezra if he's constantly getting sick? "But I won't do that anymore, Ezra. I promise." Because the last thing he ever wants to do again is worried Ezra to this state ever again. So he vowed that in order for him to care for Ezra, he'd have to take better care of himself too.

Something else occurred to him. "I also realize that keep you cooped up here isn't right either. I did it to protect you from the dangers out there but I realize that wasn't right. These last two months I've come to realized that you have been alone while most of my time has been away working two jobs." Kanan paused then when he noticed that Ezra's cries had now become tiny broken hiccups. "After I'm better, I am going to dedicate more of my time to _you_ and me. Does that sound good to you, kiddo?"

Against his chest, he felt Ezra nod, his tiny hands still clinching at his clothes. "Love. You."

Kanan’s heart lurched up into his throat, completely shocked because Ezra wasn't able to say those words a few weeks ago. Ezra must have taught himself during the days Kanan was delirious with a fever. A chuckle escaped his lips, filled with emotion. "I love you too, Ezra. Never doubt that."

And two days later, Kanan kept true to his word. When the chills and the aches in his body had gone away and when he got enough rest, that's when Kanan found himself putting on his clothes and walking out the door, with Ezra right next to him. They walked the streets of _Arsolore,_ casually moving around and past the civilians that were calmly going about their lives. They had a few credits left so Kanan thought that he would use them to buy supplies and maybe he'd buy that stuffed wolf Ezra had been eying at one of the merchants shops. He smiled at that, and took a moment to breathe in the air around him, closing his eyes he listened to the sounds around him as his hearing aids thrummed in his ears, listened as Ezra talked and played with children a few feet away.

Having been stuck inside the last couple days, it felt nice to just be outside.

"Well look at that, he lives!" A female voice called out towards him and Kanan recognized it immediately. Opening his eyes, Kanan saw Thül making her way towards him. Her whiskers turned up into a smile.

"Thül." Kanan stated as he got up from where he sat. "I thought you'd be working?"

"I'm the owner remember? I decide my own days off." Thul chuckled as she reached him Kanan noticed that she had a small child with her, an Amaran like herself who gazed at him with yellow eyes. "Haven't seen you in a week, Jarrus. You feeling any better?"

Kanan nodded, "I am, thank you." His eyes fell down to the child who was still gazing at him. "And who is this?"

Thül smiled and placed a paw on the kid's head. "This is Vkòl, my grandson."

Abruptly, Kanan felt a light tug on his pants leg, looking down he saw that Ezra had returned from playing with the children and was now looking at Thül and her grandson. "Ezra, this is Thül, shes the lady that I work for at the cantina and this is her grandson, Vkòl. Thül, this is Ezra."

"So _this_ is the famous kiddo I've heard about." Thul stated as she bent down and reached out her paw. "You're papa is the best employee I've ever had." The statement caused Kanan to freeze because he had no idea if Ezra saw him as such considering the fact that Kanan knew he would never be able to replace Ezra's real father. He watched as Ezra simply blinked at the words, before smiling and shaking Thül's hand.

Kanan places his hand on Ezra's shoulder, "Why don't you and Vkòl go and have fun with the others, kiddo?" Ezra gazed up at him and then to Thül's grandson. Smiling at the Amaran, he offered the much younger child his hand and the two raced off towards the other children.

"He seems like a good kid." He heard Thül behind him say.

Kanan nodded in agreement, "He is." And that was the truth, more so Ezra was a great kid.

Thül chuckled, from out of the corner of his eye he saw her cross her arms. "Well, since your feelin' better, I except to see you at work tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure thing, Boss."

Thül's snout wrinkled in distaste, "Ugh, _boss_? I know I'm old, but am I really _that_ old?"

But Kanan _knew_ better then to answer a question like that. For he knows that woman tend to be very... _sensitive_ about their ages. Among other things. "As a male, I know better then to answer that."

Thül let out a laugh. "As you should."

A calmness fell over and around him. For the first time in two months he felt relaxed, at peace with the choices he made. His actions, his choices —whether they may have been good or bad— may still ache deep inside but he felt like he could continue onward, despite all the hardships. He felt like everything's was going to be okay.

Until it wasn't, for when Kanan opened his eyes, he saw a ship flying over head. His heart dropped into his stomach, Imperial fleets. The Empire, they finally made their way here, they were finally adding more Troopers to this planet just like all the others. Looking over to Ezra, he saw that the kid also noticed the ships. Ezra's gaze shifted over towards him, his eyes showing exactly what Kanan was feeling.

They had to go.

"Thül, Ezra and I need to go."

Thül, who seemed oblivious to what was happening simply waved him off. "Alright, see you tomo—"

"No, I mean—" He paused, trying to find the right words. And then paused again for even thinking that, why was he trying to explain himself? "We need to leave... this planet." His eyes turned upward towards the sky when another Imperial ship passed by.

Thül followed his gaze, then she looked to him, and then towards Ezra. Something changed in her eyes, a flash of realization, as then widened for a few seconds and Kanan braved himself for whatever happened next, braced himself to flee if she said or did anything.

Then she nodded, "Okay." She stared, taking a few steps forward, reaching into her pocket she pulled out 13 credits and placed them all in his hand. "This is your pay for the rest of the month."

He gaped at her, touched by her kindness. "Thül... thank you." He said, and he meant every word. He turned around and began walking towards Ezra.

"Kanan." Thül said, and he noticed a change in her voice, a sadness. And he realized that this middle aged Amaran was actually going to miss him. "See you later?"

Inhaling a deep breathe, he shook his head. "I'm sorry. But you won't." And he walked the rest of the way towards Ezra who practically fell against his arms as he picked him up and bolted towards their apartment, and frantically gathered their things.

Sneaking back to their ship, he and Ezra took one last look at the planet _Arsolore_ and to him, he felt Ezra's _sadness_ , because in the short time he spent with those kids, he had made friends, so that made leaving that much harder for him, because as much as Ezra never complained about the life they lived, he was still just a kid. Putting the ship on auto pilot, Kanan turned his seat to the right and reached toward Ezra, immediately pulling him to his chest and holding him close. Sending the kid all the love he could muster. "I'm sorry." Because Ezra deserved so much more then to be on the run with him. He didn't— _they_ didn't deserve this life just because they were both Jedi or jus merely Force Sensitive. "I'm so sorry."

Ezra clung to him tightly, both physically and mentally through their connection. Kanan could feel the kid's emotions, his feelings of _acceptance_ and _contentment_ in this life but also _sorrow._ **"** _I don't know why I feel so sad._ **"** Ezra's voiceless words rang in his mind.

Kanan places a chaste kiss in the top of the boy's mess of dark hair, and hugged him tighter. "Hey, that's okay. It's _okay_ to feel this way. It's okay to miss this place. It's okay to miss all the other places we've been to as well." He explainer soothingly. Because feeling this way, in their situation was normal. No matter how much Ezra tried to hide it, this life they lived will never get easy. And just like that, Ezra cried, he sobbed. And Kanan was right there for him, as he would always be.

Together, they both mourned for yet another planet they had to leave behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *collapses on the ground* I'm finally finished. Apologies that this took me a while to upload but there is this huge wildfire down in Redding California and my older sister’s entire street and house were consumed by the flames, (luckily she was down visiting my mom and sister with her boys) and the fire is still spreading and is only 5% contained. (Update: as if 29th if July, my sister’s house has survived the Carr Wildfire in Redding) 
> 
> Anyway, a penny for your thoughts? I know that this isn’t the best story for Kanan and Ezra I’ve written and that this tag isn’t really getting a lot of activity but I always appreciate comments and feedback whenever you guys can give them.


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